stop&stare

Road to Nowhere
Originally uploaded by Tony Murphy

for some reason i feel today
that my life is at a stand still.
i know what is going to happen
everyday in regards to what
i have planned and what
has been scheduled.

but other than that, i feel
like nothing spontaneous
is going to occur anytime soon.

i feel a bit distant from God. i kind
of have felt like that ever since the
week leading up to RenewNation.
my whole heart went to that, and now
i feel like there's a lack of something.

the journal i wrote in daily now gets
written in seldomly or when i feel it
has been neglected.

hmm. i felt His presence in me last night
during worship at the small groups and it
felt good.

i keep feeling like i need to change my
plans for next weekend and use it as my
escape days. i feel bad that i will be missing
out on SunGod...but i feel like that is a weekend
that i need to use for reflection and removal
from all things familiar so i can estrange myself
a bit and allow myself to see somethings that are
new...

i don't want to sing these lyrics to myself:
"Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare "

i don't want to become what i can't be.
He will put no limitations in my path
from what i can become.

hm.

maybe this stand still in my life
is supposed to be for reflection
and though process? for me
to firmly plan out what to do
next in the big picture.

we'll see.