melancholy

melancholy spirit
Originally uploaded by -liyen-

so my mom told me that if my dog...
my wonderful big, loving, smart dog...
got sick one more time, she is going
to have her put down.

i'm mad at her.
how can she do that?
my dog is old. 11 human years=77 dog years.
she's an old lady. and like normal
human being old ladies, they require
lots of doctor (vet) trips and lots of meds.

i'm convinced that she only wants her
stupid little purse dogs in the picture
of her "perfect" house hold and my
dog doesn't fit in that mental image
of perfection.

so.

i'm mad. it's MY dog! she can't do that!
i want my dog to die of old age and if
MY dog has to be put down, it better be
because she's brain dead or something.
not because of some stupid reason.

i didn't even know what to say to her.
it made me so mad.

These are the dreams we never had.

These are the dreams we never had.
Originally uploaded by Olivia Bee

line dancing. [strange]
hanging out with new friends. [lovely]
getting to know people. [sweet]
book shopping. [wonderful]

i've noticed that book shopping
is only "productive" in a sense
for me when i am alone. i like
to walk amid the rows and get
lost in the colors, fonts, and
possibilities of what lie among
the shelves. each color and
lettering combination holds a
mystery in its pages. i never
know what the story will be like.
i never know how it will go.
but i always get a sense of
satisfaction when i read it.

i walked away with four books
neatly placed into the Borders
logo plastic bag. clutched in my
fist i walked towards my car and
ventured off to other thing.

but today i started reading one
and finally, a feeling that i have
been wanting to feel again, i have
let myself get lost and lose track
of time all together. hours can pass
on by and i don't notice anything.

<3

good day.

DSC01740
Originally uploaded by xxblackdahlias

psych was good.
prof. kept cracking baby jokes.
not dead baby jokes. just kept
speaking about babies in the most
uncomfortable manner that it was
amusing.

time with sam was good.
she is a blessing of a friend.

when the stupid prescription bottle
says "can be taken with or without
food"... it's lying to you. eat something.
stomach aches suck. seriously.

p.s. i am now a proud owner of a
multi colored leopard print bikini.
i am ecstatic.

p.p.s. i could swallow today without
my brain wanting to explode and
without my eyes watering. progress.
i love it.

catch the sun

DSC01801
Originally uploaded by xxblackdahlias

although i'm sick and i should have been
resting, i didn't. and hung out with my
baby sister instead. it was good.

:]

hopefully my psych class ends mega
early today cuz we're getting a take home
test... but i onno. we'll see. and then i can
come home and SLEEEEEEPPPPP
yowzah.

i wanna sleep nowwww but i can't..

la la.

<3

baby borrowers

My special model #2
Originally uploaded by Salvatore Falcone

so i am sucked into the show baby borrowers
which will be on tonight if you haven't had the chance
to see it yet! and if you miss that, too, then you can
go online and watch it!!

it's an interesting social experiment. and the more
interesting part of it is that Daton, one of the teens
on the show is in my psychology class!!! wow. haha.
just a weird realization there.

so..the prognosis is that i have strep and i may
be a strep carrier which at the moment means
i get to enjoy Keflex (an antibiotic) like
it is candy. i feel like i will look like a pill popper.
anyway. so after i finish my Keflex, i have to wait
a week and then i have to go to the nurse's clinic
and get my throat swabbed again and get tested
to see if i indeed am a strep carrier...and if i am..
i have to get my tonsils taken out. fantastic.

and let me tell you about the doctor's visit yesterday...
so, i know for a fact that my body does not like having
blood drawn. and i told mr. secret vampire blood drawing man
that i get EXTREMELY faint and light headed.
and then he had the audacity to tell me "no you don't" and
i was like "oh, cuz you know me, right?" so anyway, there he
went and stabbed my arm with the needle and drained my blood...
so after that i went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds and
i sat down for five minutes waiting for my name to get shown
on the board, and once i saw it i got up and went to get in line
for my prescription..well, i started to get ridiculously light headed
in line and i felt weak and then next thing i knew is that i woke up
in an exam room and i was laying down and someone was
taking my oxygen level and someone else was pricking my fingers
to take my blood sugar level and some other person was making
me drink orange juice. seriously man, when i tell you i get light
headed, take me seriously...

so that was my trip.

woop dee doo.

uncomfortable in my own skin

Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
Originally uploaded by kamilegs7

well... i have managed to be sick at some point
every single month since april.
i got sick in:
april-second week of the month
symptoms: immensely sore throat, chills, fever, nasal congestion, cough, fatigue
had it for a week and a half
may-beginning of the month and it hit hard at renew nation
symptoms: same as april
had it for 2 weeks
june-week prior to finals
symptoms: nausea, fatigue, and same symptoms as the prior two months
has this for two weeks
july-started feeling it on sunday
symptoms: chills and cold sweats(just last night), body aches, tender to the touch...even my skin hurts, and my throat hurts insanely

WHY am i getting sick every month? you'd think that my immune system would build up antibodies against it... but it's not doing anything. i feel like crap. i'm afraid it might be something serious....so i caved and decided to call the doctor today. i have an appointment at two.

hearts on fire

hearts on fire
Originally uploaded by Dylan_Murphy

oh gosh.
i feel like the Lord has just
suddenly instilled such a sense
of hope and excitement in my heart.
He is working on me SO much right now!

for those who have been praying for me,
THANK YOU! and flood summer nights
this week was MUCH needed. that night
of constant worship, prayer, and community
re-ignited a flame that had just been the
tiniest ember. prayer for the church, for the
staff, for those in Malawi and Uganda and
on other missions trips, prayer for the band,
and prayer for personal things was just simply
amazing!

i am so excited for the internship at Flood.
everyday this hope and excitement just
continues to grow more and more.
getting the email for the Crew Retreat just
made everything feel THAT much more
amazing. oh gosh. i can't even properly
describe this to you.

well, enough of me getting distracted.
i really, really need to finish this silly
take home test. i have 17 questions
left!

love you

smile factors:
-my car getting worked on :]
-talking to my mom who is in Puerto Rico
-missing the homeland
-talking to my cousins!
-my daddy being super caring this whole week :]

i have felt hug-less this week.
let's fix this, yeah?

i miss this place.

Flavor of Old San Juan
Originally uploaded by Face-2-Face

funny how looking at other people's
pictures at first make you say "i know this place!"
and then slowly make you change
what you say to "i miss this place."

:/

i want.

i want that. there. in the picture.

this stupid situation is stressing me the heck out. pray for me, please?

i stitched "all i have is all of me, and it's all that i can give"
onto my TOMS last night. it's rough and very beginner-ish
but at least it looks better than fabric puff paint nonsense.

anyway.
psych for 3 hours.
volunteering (possibly)
studying (i know, surprising, right?)
flood summer nights.

the end.

severed.

cut
Originally uploaded by llanfair

so much thought went into
said situation. decided to
cut the ties. any and all.

i can't be friends with
someone who i can't
trust.

and that's just the
least of it.

smiling at the sweet simplicites

IMG_9328-1 copy
Originally uploaded by ANDcreative.

i've been pretty good at not text-conversing.
if i want to talk to someone, i will make an effort
to go see them, or at least, make a phone call.

so with the situation at hand, i have talked to
very, very few people about it since it's something
that does not need to be spread around.
and i thank you all for your prayers. i really
appreciate them.

&&i appreciate the company that those people
have provided me. i am so appreciative of the
distractions i've received. i'm so appreciative
of the things i've gotten to occupy myself with.

it's not completely dealt with...yet...but right now
my heart is working on healing so that i can forgive
and further assess the situation and so i can figure
out what action i need to take.

so far this week has been overall pretty good.
i helped out at the invisible children offices and had
a good laugh with everyone there.

i saw rooney, locksley, and the bridges with andie who
was perfect company for that day.

i started my psychology class which turned out to be quite
the blessing in itself. i got a very relaxed teacher to whom
which i am also very grateful for.

&&i am all registered for fall classes which is awesome
because i got everything i wanted.

shocked.

Confused Sign
Originally uploaded by kudaker (away on vacation!)

i'm confused.
i'm more shocked than anything.
how do you respond to that?
what do you do?

i feel...
not good.
i feel so many things
yet nothing at all.

i am at a loss here
but i know something
must be done because
this is not right.

shock?
i don't like this shock.
it leaves me in a state
of mass confusion and
numb-ness.

why.

i've slept in so many random places.

Everything seems to be okay when she's sleeping on my couch
Originally uploaded by plagueoftruth

i slept on a couch.
i slept on the floor.
i slept on the beach.
i slept sitting up.
i slept half laying down.
i slept in my bed.
i dozed while eating lunch.

my body is out of whack.

yesterday was mellow. ian&luiken surfed, while alisa and i just hung out on the beach. i love her dearly and am excited for her going to Uganda. all four of us kind of hung out most of the day. we all ate at CPK, too. it was good.

so, i did stuff enough to get teased...
"hey veronica, remember that time when you were really bad at throwing rocks?"
"hey veronica, remember that time when you walked to the wrong house?"
yes.
it's what i do. and i don't know how i manage to do that. pretty embarrassing all in all. not really a fan, but i mean, at least someone or some people are getting amusement out of it.

beach at a spot tucked among cliffs.
bbq.
friends.
explosions in the sky.
sleeping on a couch and wanting to go to bed when 4 guys are SO ready to be awake for hours and hours.

yeah. i have to say that it was good.

although i kind of wish it was more eventful.
but i can't complain about the mellow-ness.

hm.
<3

we came to terms.

Door of Truce
Originally uploaded by See El Photo

one good thing about today.
so the guy i'm paired up with
that i didn't entirely agree with
nor get along with too well before..
well, i feel like we came to terms
and bonded today over a common
frustration and situation.

he gave me a pep talk and enlightenment
and i know God spoke to me through him
tonight.

"i think this is the start of a beautiful friendship"
whoever said that is a cheese ball, but one
that i agree with none the less.

one good thing today.
:]

a simple figment of the imagination.

Mermaid
Originally uploaded by bikeracer

i'm trying to figure out how it is
that i remember practically everyone
that i meet;

yet...
one week later, they have no idea
who i am.

EP's

Sun burning through tree
Originally uploaded by blue_combination

this tree reminds me of the EP's that jon foreman
has put out with the titles of the four seasons.

i got to go to the beach today for the first time this
whole summer. my shoulders got sunburned
cuz dummy me put sunscreen all over except my
back, on my shoulders...so they're a bit red-ish.

and the more i go to PB and OB, the more i like
those two places. :] such an interesting vibe.

and i got to cook AND bake today. the joys of
hanging out with my heidi. incredibly perceptive
and meaningful conversations, followed by a hint
of culinary creativity. we invited some friends over
to enjoy the meal we made. we made honey baked
chicken with some rice and corn aaaaand then
we made some molasses ginger snaps which we
decided to bake them to make them soft because
it's just retarded when cookies are crunchy.

anyway. that's it. honestly, i am blessed by everyone
i meet on a daily basis.

smile at a stranger...you might just pass some joy to
someone who needs it... i got a few people to grin today.
:]

i love you very much.