i am totally a nervous wreck!

Today I am nervous (102/365)
Originally uploaded by Guiniveretoo

i had my interview today which
i feel like it went well, but my opinion
matters not.

now i am waiting for an e-mail next
week as to whether or not i will
be asked back for a second interview
let alone if i got the internship at all!

God totally took my stress away this morning
which was AMAZING cuz i felt SO much better
after i prayed! and i am keeping my fellow
renew nation leadership people in my prayers
too cuz no one deserves to be stressed.

but.. GAH! Lord, take me nerves away!

well, i am off to set up sound equipment
for Flood. need i mention... i am SO STOKED
to do this?? i mean, i have two opportunities
this week to tech again!!! doing SOUND!

wow

:]

and i get to wear a purdy tshirt that says
"staff" on it on saturday... that is also
pretty fantastic.

well, that is all for now.
i love you all and you
are all in my prayers.
i pray that you are not
stressed and that you
are content. that you feel
God's love, and love in
general all around you.
that God will shine a light
in every aspect of your life,
and especially in those areas
that are not of Him so that
He may have control over
that as well.

i shall leave you with that my
dears and i only hope for the
best for you.

love you.

decisions

Contemplating
Originally uploaded by Milena T

one, i feel drained.
two, i have grounded myself from driving unnecessarily.
three, i have decided not to pursue anything with the person
of interest previously because i feel like i need to be friends
and only friends with that person...because if something
was meant to happen, it will... in its own due time.. i just
don't think it is now.

i need a way to unwind and escape pressure
cuz as soon as i was able to relax for a split
second, i wound up having tons more things
to worry about.

i feel like i am at a stop in the road right now
where i have to wait for my tour guide [God] to come
and show me where to go next. i have an interview for
my internship tomorrow... and that is going to determine
quite a few things for me...pending the outcome.

i need to pick classes to take this summer... and i have to
load up. i also have to pick what my hours are going to
be for work based on the classes i take... and i need
to make sure i am making enough money, too.

ahsdjahksd

does someone wanna come take me away?
i need to escape

real.

it's real. it's really happening. it's only a few days away.

....it's really happening. it's not just a figment of our thoughts
or an idea that is still undergoing thought...
omgosh.

i am excited.

peace, love, uganda.

can't help but jump

Day 355: Jump
Originally uploaded by amanky

i am just so excited and hyped now.
my batteries are fully recharged thanks
to Him.

i have decided to make the iCalendar
application useful... to keep my schedule
organized. and this week... free time is
very sparse, but you know what? i am fine
with that. i won't be bored. i will be very
grateful for any free time i do receive.

RenewNation is this saturday and this
past week we were blessed with so many
donations! i am just so amazed! i feel like
everything is totally falling into place.

oh man!

my only dilemma this week is:
i am cutting my hair on thursday afternoon..
should i go short again?
or should i just trim my layers and keep letting it grow?

what do you think would look better?

i feel small?

bike and felt
Originally uploaded by ryoryozo

i feel so young
and so small.
my friends are in
their twenties
and i'm still in my
teen years.

i felt so babied today.

i don't know.

i feel.... odd today.

might it be my just
being hormonal due
to that horrid thing
that girls are stuck
getting monthly?

or...

what?

it is 5:03PM and i have decided to blame hormones.

water go down the hole.

Water Drain
Originally uploaded by betebete

i feel drained.
i have felts drained.
i depend on unusual
loads of caffeine to keep
me going.

i want my natural energy
back. i want my sleep
cycle to return back to
normal.

but the thing is, i haven't
felt so fulfilled and so useful
in such a long time. i love this
feeling.

but it feels like i can't give it
my whole heart because
i don't have the energy.

Lord, fix me. give me the energy,
the passion, the zeal that i thrive on.
i thank you for putting me in a position
where i can use my talents, Lord.
i thank you for the amazing opportunities
that have been thrown at me and put
my way, Father. it has allowed me to further
figure out what i am to do with this life of mine.
in your son's name, amen.

off to bed to recharge my batteries.

all over the world

january 15. [globe farm.]
Originally uploaded by misscaro

so i am currently at the invisible children offices
volunteering... as i do on tuesdays and thursdays.

megan has had me answering international emails
since i've gotten here and let me tell you how awesome
it is seeing how people all over the world are getting
a hold of this documentary and how people are so willing
to get involved with this organization! i have answered
letters from austria, switzerland, the netherlands, UK, canada,
thailand, taiwan, the phillipines, chile (which i wrote in spanish!),
russia, and so many more places! this is EPIC. and i am not
even DONE with the inbox!!

ugh. i love this place. people are so stoked on life.
and this organization rocks.

i get more stoked for RenewNation everyday.

<3
LOVE YOU

the girl you knew is dead.

Pretty dead girl 2
Originally uploaded by Susan Ooten

after seeking out advice from lauren
and talking to david, i feel relatively better.
not completely better because i don't know what
is going to happen day of, but i am going to trust in God
that he will guide me and give me a sense of comfort
and allow me to move with grace and not
seduction.

some believe that you can never truly get rid of
your old self when you try to change. i don't believe that.
the girl i once was is dead. there is no way she's coming back.

the girl you have now in front of you is who i am and who
i intend on being. i'll only keep improving, but who i was
is never coming back.

Lord, allow me to use my body and my talent in dance
as a way to worship you and the physical being that you
have blessed me with. Allow me to move with grace and
let it be seen that I am moving with grace to the world around me.
Give me the ability and the strength to discipline myself if i
start to slip into old habits. Let me walk away for a bit and
allow you to refill me with strength. "Veronica, you're my friend.
You're our friend, and I will make sure that nothing happens."
said David. Thank you for blessing me with a friend
who gives me comfort, but give me the strength to talk to
someone that i am close with for me to have company just in case
i need to walk off and take a break. I thank you, Lord, for all
that you have blessed me with. You never cease to amaze me.
I love you Lord and I will sing your praises all of my days.
In your son's name, amen.

silence!

Don't Speak
Originally uploaded by tracy.g

i have a dilemma in regards to something
that is supposed to occur next week.

the old me and the new me are clashing.
the new me is confused as to how to act
and with what to do!

HELP!

made to love

Heart
Originally uploaded by خاکستری

"I was made to love you
I was made just for you
Made to adore you
I was made to love
And be loved by you
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said you'd keep me
Never would you leave me I was made to love
and be loved by you"

a simple song flipped me around.
a simple task flipped me around.

so today when i was working at the
invisible children offices, i was doing
what they consider a typical, mundane
task. the thing is, i think it had a purpose
for me today. as i was writing the simple,
yet time consuming "thank you" cards to
all the people who have given donations,
i came across one letter that i found intriguing.
lindsey, the girl who gave me the stack of
letters to respond to, normally leaves little notes
on the envelopes in case she wants a reference
made to something in the letter...
well, on one envelope she wrote "gratitude rocks"...

so i obviously went and read the letter, and the girl
who wrote it shared her and her friends' story on how
they chose to raise money for invisible children.
she had read a story in the book The Secret
and even included the story of the Gratitude Rocks.
the writer had told how they had taken rocks and kept them
in their pocket to remember what things they had to be
grateful for. every time they touched the rock, they thought
of all the wonderful people, things, opportunities... just everything
that they were blessed with. it was simply a reminder
for them to realize that nothing was ever truly bad, because
they had many wonderful things in life.

i have many things to be grateful for.
and i can't let a few things done "incorrectly", in my eyes,
blind me from the fact that there could be worse things,
first off, and secondly, that they shouldn't matter because
there is so much more out there.

scott and i drove up the coast one time and i had made
a comment as to how i find the ocean to be one of the most
miraculous of God's creations. and every time i let something
tiny start to sway me, he reminds me that there is something
is always going to be something bigger... to remember the ocean
and to remember that God always will love me, no matter what.
nothing is bigger than that.

made to love
and i love you.

incapable of doing anything correctly

Screw Up
Originally uploaded by Anna Gordon

it's funny how the words that i was
told years ago
still affect me today.

it's like they're embedded in my system
to the point where they won't come out.

so lately it has felt like i can't seem
to do things right.

little things, big things... the like.

but... i am glad that i have friends who
remind me that they care and to remember
in how many different ways i have been
blessed.

...but there is always that little nag&tug
in the back of my mind.

"royal screw-up"
she called me.
but...did't she know that
most monarchies have
been over-thrown?

oh, the thought process.

calendar days

what my january calendar looked like....gasp
Originally uploaded by nalini asha

the month of may will be non-stop
busy busy busy
i am excited...but not
there will be plenty to do.

this week is busy.
next week is busy.
next week is RenewNation on the 3rd.
i am very excited for that.

keep the event&schools for schools
in your prayers.

off to being busy.
busy busy busy.

invisible children

Invisible Children Van HDR
Originally uploaded by ANDcreative.

i am now a "committed volunteer" at Invisible Children.
i worked there yesterday and i love it..
even though all i did was write "thank you" postcards,
enter names from the different regions into the database,
and sew africa hats.
i <3 the staff, interns, and roadies.

i am getting frustrated with renewnation.
they want my help, but don't tell me about the
meetings and then ask me why i didn't go..
but i would go to the meetings if i KNEW about them.

and then i am getting frustrated with myself
because i feel like i am doing a lot
and then i feel like i am not doing enough.

and buying so much gas is taking a toll on me
and my bank account.

and any suggestion i make gets over looked.
and that also bugs me.

i just feel insanely frustrated.

and i want God to take my frustration away.

ugh. i don't really know how to feel right now.

hold your head high, heavy heart

Love Ache
Originally uploaded by Amanda Music

my heart feels heavy
my head feels light
i feel torn in the middle...
there's no tape in sight

there's so much in side
my heart burst
i kept it all hidden
even if it was for the best or worst

a crush
friendships
change
relationships
situations
and more

and only one can mend
this torn heart

Father, I ask thee
to hold my hand
lift up my head
and tell me it will be ok

that you were the one
who allow my heart to burst
all just for me to see
it has a great capacity
you heart is big
much bigger than mine
but you're teaching me how
to love just like you
and even though it takes time
you say,
"you will love the result in the end"

Father, take my heart
and stretch it out
there's more for me to love
and learn.

i don't know what it is

hott lip piercing
Originally uploaded by xXDrownxthexCityXx

but i love lip rings.
on guys.
hsadjsha.
freaking little girl crush of mine.
oh dear.

anyway, onto more relevant things.
so the question that i almost misconstrued
today turned out to be a question for
me to reflect and stand back to take
a gander as to how God has worked
and changed my heart within the past
months.

these past months have floored me
with the immense amount of blessings.
i have found myself accepting them all
with open arms, whether they be good or bad
[well, bad in regards to making me move from
my comfort zone] and such.
i have learned a lot about myself and i strive to
continue to change until i reach that state of perfection
that the Bible talks about. the state of being Christ-like.

God has me right where he wants me right now...
which is helping with Schools for Schools, Invisible Children,
and helping develop (what should hopefully turn out to be
a great event) RenewNation. So many things fell straight up
into my lap in regards to this event and i know it's all because
God had it ready to go for me. I keep praying for him to give me
strength because i feel like i keep biting off more than i can
chew, but i know he won't allow me to take on anything
that i can't handle.

in helping with this event, i felt my old sense of determination
and drive come back, but this time i was able to look at it
in a new light. in a way that made me realize why i was made
this way. why i have a low tolerance for things that aren't right,
and the sense of constantly needing to get things done.

i now know that the decision in regards to what i want to
do for schooling now is right (after changing my mind
3726173862 times) and i feel strongly about it.

i don't know what else to say, but i am happy
i was asked that question today.

to take in all the blessings.
to be grateful for all the changes.
to understand why those things have happened.

God is great.

and i know that you'll agree on that one.

love you.

a sense of determination

We are the Displaced
Originally uploaded by Manda_Man

i don't even go to the school....
(but i do have intentions of
transferring there later)
i feel like God has me right where
He needs me right at this very moment.
it feels like i am lucky enough to get
what i need in regards to helping out
with this event.

i am determined to help with RenewNation
as much as i can. i want to bring recognition
to the renewing of Uganda... the start of the
end of the war. i want people to know that there
is hope of bettering life, a hope of new-ness, a glimmer
of hope of the opportunity to start fresh and start over.
i have great hope for RenewNation. please keep the
event and everyone working on it in your prayers.

visiting the IC head quarters the past two days has
been nothing but awesome. i totally intend on
volunteering there as much as i can. the people there
have so far, been pretty amazing.

ashdkjahs

i feel this insane sense of determination that i have
never felt before! i feel like a freakin' laptop addict
but it's because i can't get myself to stop working
on this thing. i am SO determined.

lalalalalalalalalalallaa

this past week has been nothing but an affirmation
of the fact that i am meant to major in international studies...
that i am meant to dedicate my life to helping other people
who REALLY need it.... i want to HELP make a difference
in people's lives.... crazy.... i like it, tho.

<33333 mmmm send me to africa now, please.
or
something.

love you.

RenewNation

Invisible Children: Innocence
Originally uploaded by babyowls

so i feel like God has me right where he wants me.
my "mom" [my second mom...] think so...
she's the one who told me
"I have a strong feeling that God has you
right where he wants you right now..."

so Schools for Schools at UCSD is
planning a huge event called "RenewNation"
and i'm helping them plan it because well..
it's gonna take a lot of work and a lot of help
and i want to help... so i volunteered.

there's a whole story as to how i came to be
part of the team to help work it but yeah...

i am so excited for this event. we have less than
a month to get it all together and we need a lot
of stuff but i feel like it will come together and
that it is going to be amazing.

it's working hand in hand with Invisible Children
and yeah..

i am excited.
it's gonna be on May 3 and it's open to everyone,
if i am correct....

yeah <3

Cake Making

Cake Making
Originally uploaded by Phil Aaronson

today is mike buck's 21st birthday
and i volunteered to make his cake.
so this time, as opposed to toning my
baking passion down... i went out.

i made a chocolate cake with white
chocolate mousse icing and
chocolate ganache.

and let me tell you...
mousse is a pain in the behind.
and a TON of butter cuz
it is freakin' white chocolate from
scratch... but it was fun to make.

:]

today was a good day.
i'm excited for tomorrow.

i am excited to keep
helping plan
Renew Nation...
which, by the way,
i hope you all participate in..

<3

bittersweet

DSC01235
Originally uploaded by xxblackdahlias

so the whole flight home it didn't hit me
that i had really left seattle. that i had
been gone.

but i really miss seattle, now.

i travel a lot... and normally when i go
somewhere... once my trip nears its
end, i am so ready to go home... and i'm
fine if i never return to the place.

but now....
i kind of wish i had never left.

strange?

Under my Um-berella.

Under my Um-berella.
Originally uploaded by perkyNbLue

apparently true seattle-ites don't use umbrellas.
well, good cuz i happen to like my leopard print
umbrella, thank you very much! haha.

it's been fun so far.
i'm getting used to the chilly-ness and lau and i
figured out that it is hecka colder once you get
closer to the water.

i got my MRI results yesterday and they came back
normal so i am ecstatic... however, that doesn't mean
that my knee still doesn't hurt at various times for no reason.
but still.
i don't need surgery!

i keep on meeting more and more interesting people...
hahah :]

the architecture here is fascinating me.

<3 to coffee shops.

i have a new love for blues dancing.

<3 to all.

i totally support this concept

i totally support this concept
Originally uploaded by xxblackdahlias

i'm on a mission to find the perfect cup of coffee
while i am here in seattle... so i will be drinking
ridiculous amounts. coffee nerd, much?
yes, yes i am.

i love that tully's has compostable cups.
things are very... "green".... here in seattle
and i dig it.

lauren and i had a safe flight yesterday.
we had quite the lazy day... we walked
around our part of town a bit... until it started
to rain...the SNOW... and we sought out
dryness and warmth.

while she went to a clothing exchange and
she went blues dancing... i stuck around the
apartment and did homework like a good little
girl and called it a night early... i don't intend
on doing that the rest of the week [cuz i finished my HW]
but yeah. i missed out a bit, but i would have rather
done what i did than have had gone out every
night and have the fact that i still had homework
to do nagging me in the back of my mind.

people are different here and i love it.
we have a pretty full day today.
pikes place market
the spaghetti factory
sculpture park.

i'm getting quite some photo ops.

well, i love you all.
more either tonight, or tomorrow.