a lady always does as she's told.

a lady always does as she's told., originally uploaded by ::reflecting truth::.

- flickr premium account expired
- i gotta do laundry tomorrow (and miss college group)
- i gotta pack for puerto rico
- give my speech before i leave for my speech class

my mind has been checked out for way too long.

toddlers & tiaras scares me.

the end.

no se, no se...

White Oleander (365/363), originally uploaded by JenniPenni.

no idea why
but after a pretty good week
i got home
and started to feel lame
and lonely.

lonely.
freaking lonely.
i think it was me
sharing my boundaries
and wants/things i won't settle
for in a guy.

i don't know. normally i
don't care that much about it
but right now i can't get it off
my mind. i don't know why
i can't seem to grasp and
accept that a Godly guy
who is equally yoked
with me hasn't pursued
me.

so weird.
i guess it's definitely a
sign to lean in heavier
on God and definitely
hold on tighter.

i've got this image of
a little girl who reaches
her dad's mid thigh who
is wrapping her arms
around his leg so tightly
and not letting go.

i feel like that needs to be
me with God right now.

i don't know why i slip into
these funks so quickly.

Lord,
I caught myself.
But can you hold
my hand tighter?
Amen.

finds crap

The Bins, originally uploaded by iheartrachabees.

they should add to the description of my position:

FINDS LOTS OF CRAP.
or stuff, to put it in a kinder way.

yeah.

Ahoy! Sailor Babo

Ahoy! Sailor Babo, originally uploaded by foom23.

i love me my sailor babo.
he's precious.

so, sad news. i went and tried on some
of my dresses last night... my cute little
sun dresses that i wear in warm weather
and prance around in... and look like i would
never in my life wear v-necks and other
skater clothes... BUT.... i couldn't zip some
of them all the way up.

LAME.

so, maybe a trip to buffalo exchange today.
yep.
might as well get some $ for my garments.

AND it's ryan's last day in SD today. so sad.
he's my bff. fo shiz.

oh! and there's a TOMS style your sole party
tonight. stoked for that, too. them vagabonds
are in town...izzle.

840am and i'm already in a weird mood. i sent
my supervisor an email on wednesday entirely
in gangster speak.

or what i think is gangster speak. it had a lot of
"yo's" and "fo shizzle's" and stuff like that.

anyway. i'm gonna look up recipes and see
if i can find anything crafty to make for breakfast...
if not, i'm makin' eggo waffles.

Sand Castle!

Sand Castle!, originally uploaded by fuzzirella.

guy-girl friendships are like sand castles.
fun to build, but they don't last.

i hated that phrase when adam and corrie
told me it.

but it started to make a hell of a lot more
sense when i started re-drawing my boundaries
with guy friends/guy interests/whatever.

i told a guy friend about it
and he fought everything i said.
who wants to be told you have to watch
the level of vulnerability you have to
have with a friend of the opposite sex?
no college student. cuz we like the right
here, right now.

but. i am a planner. i plan for the future
and for anything that can happen to foil
my plan. i am strategic. so, in that...
i started looking at my friendships.
and realized, my guy friends shouldn't
know me better than my significant other.
i have a few exceptions, but that closely
won't be allowed, sadly, once that guy
comes along that God has put out there
for me.

yep.

sand castles, baby.
sand castles.

and i will end with this.
my bangs get into my mouth now
and it's driving me BONKERS.
yay for hair cut appointments.
i only have to deal with it up until
saturday and then BAM! they're short-er.

BREAK TIME

Tired of being me (365/347), originally uploaded by JenniPenni.

so when i was in high school and when i did tech
every time 3:45 would roll around, my friend cj
and i would scream "break time!" at the top of
our lungs and haul ass out the door to run to
go get coffee or something... yeah...just to get
away so we could tolerate the last 45 minutes
of our long school days.

anyway. my mind has checked out. it wants
spring break.

i am glad i'm not taking summer school.
cuz i need a big break.

and my verbal filter isn't working very well this week.

yep.

i'm hungry.

young life

last night was my first night with Young Life Del Mar... :] that picture is of me during my initiation... we played hot potato with little brown bags that contained food nasties inside. i got to eat some prune baby food.... only leader to have to eat anything... welcome to young life.

a bit of back story:
originally with my flood internship, along with creative arts and sunday production, i also worked with high school... before i started my internship at flood, i had an internship at another church also working with high schoolers.

in working with high schoolers at flood, there was some friction and my heart wasn't in the right place for it anymore. as much as i loved working with them and bonding with them (i'm super relational) i lost heart and drive for it. i didn't want to be there anymore. also, with added friction due to different working styles (as well as other things i won't go into), things changed... and i cut off that part of my internship to solely focus on working in creative arts and sunday production.

during christmas break i prayed... and cried... and prayed... and read....and cried...and prayed, because i realized how cold and hard i let my heart become. but God truly worked in me and changed me faster than I had ever imagined. positivity became part of my demeanor again... and my heart felt light again. but something was missing...

and God cracks me up sometimes. He knows where he wants you... and so he does funny little things like place people in my life that work with high schoolers or have me meet people that are heavily involved in young life (and oh, i don't know..that run it???) and so i talked to a dear friend about it to learn more... and so i told him i would think about it...

but i put it off.

Flood's theme for the year is Risk and at the soma conference, we were all asked to pray on the last day and find out what risk we are supposed to take. a risk to be missional. people shared their hearts with the whole group, shared their risks, and i had no idea what i was going to write down.

so i prayed...and young life signs and lights kept flashing in my brain. i knew that there were tons of people in my life that i could talk to in regards to getting involved.

*back story over*

so i did. i had meetings last friday with different people to learn about it, learn about their areas, about what happens, what is required of me for being a leader... everything... and my last meeting on the day was with Michelle Dahlberg... i felt more connected with her than anyone else i had met with, she actually asked why i wanted to do it and wanted to make sure my heart was in the right place (i have no idea why i liked that so much) and yeah... so yesterday i went to check it out...


and i love it. the kids are amazing. it's so fun. the other leaders are great. and i can't wait to do more... :] <3

God is so funny like that. having me meet people... and develop those relationships...

and having me see how relational i truly am with anyone or anything...

i love it.

mmm...

happy happy <3

p.s. prune flavored baby food is naaaaaaaasty

new bra.

New Bra #2, originally uploaded by There is No Spoon Photography.

i feel better now.
fitting.
you know.

ok.

:]

haha.

photo shoot idea.

Atonement dress - By Kristina Lang, originally uploaded by liz and le vaudeville.

i have a photo shoot idea.
i want to have a girl wear a long dress... preferably calf length or longer
formal.

with a tshirt underneath or something to dress it down..
and rock it out a bit with boots orrr flats or something..

do the make-up a little edge-y (i don't know how to describe it, but i know how it looks in my mind)

make the hair pretty...rocker
and do a shoot in a parking structure and on the top floor of a parking structure at night...

BUNNY

Winter clothes (365/253), originally uploaded by JenniPenni.

i want this bunny.
so presh.
:]

i have learned....

Brynn, originally uploaded by Sholeh Prochello.

-that i can't date a guy who is high maintenance
-or who eats less and picks more at their food than i do
-who i have to mother and correct the behaviors of
-who can't accept responsibility for their actions and in turn shoves their faults onto me (this one is complicated)
-who lacks communication skills and manipulates it in a way for the girl to pursue THEM in order to stroke their ego
-who is afraid of a girl with a back bone
-who is afraid of a girl who has a strong drive & ambitions
-who is afraid of a girl who is willing to drop her life to go help in a third world country
-who doesn't like tattoos or piercings (sorry... tattoo ain't going nowhere)
-who mocks the implementation of words that typically aren't in the young american's vernacular (i've decided to implement the words that i learn and read into my daily speech)
-who prefers cynicism over positivity
-negativity and harsh sarcasm over positivity
-who feels the constant need to "fix" me, and only me when they too are broken and imperfect
-who is so self-absorbed that they cut me off every time i want to share something remotely special to me or about me
-who tries to change me into their "ideal/perfect" girl
-who doesn't love Jesus
-who doesn't accept the need of needing Christ to be the center of the relationship (or any relationship, regardless)
-who can't respect my boundaries (as hard as they may be)
-who has no creative side
-who isn't willing to venture outside of "the box"
-who is too attached/clingy
-who won't fight against my stubborn self when they know something is good for me.

this is what i have learned in the past 16 months of evaluating and re-evaluating my standards, my laundry list, and my boundaries...
well, my boundaries are still solely in my journal and in the possession of a select few to keep me accountable, but yeah.

i kept wanting to make sense of current happenings in my non-love life (because it doesn't exist) but then i only wound up confusing myself further and i decided to say "i give up, God...it's yours again" and all i have seen is Him put situations in my life to practice this new found strength in maintaining those boundaries and to be firm and to not be afraid to say what's up...

i like it.

:]

and i think i've built stronger bridges as opposed to weakening the ones of those "that could have been but weren't"

anyway.

i lay and wonder. and think. and feel. and write. and draw. and photograph. and smile, laugh, cry, love, and embrace...

i say my peace, i say it with grace...
because God has a hold of my tongue.

ok. my little congested self is out for the night.