i have learned....

Brynn, originally uploaded by Sholeh Prochello.

-that i can't date a guy who is high maintenance
-or who eats less and picks more at their food than i do
-who i have to mother and correct the behaviors of
-who can't accept responsibility for their actions and in turn shoves their faults onto me (this one is complicated)
-who lacks communication skills and manipulates it in a way for the girl to pursue THEM in order to stroke their ego
-who is afraid of a girl with a back bone
-who is afraid of a girl who has a strong drive & ambitions
-who is afraid of a girl who is willing to drop her life to go help in a third world country
-who doesn't like tattoos or piercings (sorry... tattoo ain't going nowhere)
-who mocks the implementation of words that typically aren't in the young american's vernacular (i've decided to implement the words that i learn and read into my daily speech)
-who prefers cynicism over positivity
-negativity and harsh sarcasm over positivity
-who feels the constant need to "fix" me, and only me when they too are broken and imperfect
-who is so self-absorbed that they cut me off every time i want to share something remotely special to me or about me
-who tries to change me into their "ideal/perfect" girl
-who doesn't love Jesus
-who doesn't accept the need of needing Christ to be the center of the relationship (or any relationship, regardless)
-who can't respect my boundaries (as hard as they may be)
-who has no creative side
-who isn't willing to venture outside of "the box"
-who is too attached/clingy
-who won't fight against my stubborn self when they know something is good for me.

this is what i have learned in the past 16 months of evaluating and re-evaluating my standards, my laundry list, and my boundaries...
well, my boundaries are still solely in my journal and in the possession of a select few to keep me accountable, but yeah.

i kept wanting to make sense of current happenings in my non-love life (because it doesn't exist) but then i only wound up confusing myself further and i decided to say "i give up, God...it's yours again" and all i have seen is Him put situations in my life to practice this new found strength in maintaining those boundaries and to be firm and to not be afraid to say what's up...

i like it.

:]

and i think i've built stronger bridges as opposed to weakening the ones of those "that could have been but weren't"

anyway.

i lay and wonder. and think. and feel. and write. and draw. and photograph. and smile, laugh, cry, love, and embrace...

i say my peace, i say it with grace...
because God has a hold of my tongue.

ok. my little congested self is out for the night.